Hibernation.

I believe that sometimes someone need more time to him/her self to reflect back what he/she has done, what ‘missing’ in his/her life, what he/she really wanna do, what aspect that he/she is getting better and getting worse day by day, what perspectives that all this time have create his/her mind and soul, what will he/she do next?, and anything else…

Our environment leave some impacts to ourselves, both in good and bad. I just wonder if my thought have already influenced to make me worse or not. And yes, it is. I need to be objective and not judge some issues based on what I want to believe, but based on what my belief, Islam, teach me and guide me to become a true Muslim.

I should make my principle clear and my mind pure in order to see the issues. Read the news, watched tv, heard people’s perspectives, and many else have leaved the impacts to my mind. Let’s say that I watched tv about the corruptors and makes me feel so hate about them… until I forgot to pray for them to find Allah’s guidance and to prevent me from hurt them. And in many cases I forgot that I should distinguish between against something objectively rather than subjectively. I forget that kindness is the mark of faith, I forget to be kind to the people even if they’re our enemies, they still should be treated fairly. Without kindness, Islam is just a religion. But Islam is also about akhlaq, about manner, behavior, where justice is the right to all of people, all of living things, to nature, to Allah, in all aspects. So I need to remind my self about it, that sometimes where the situations are filled with detestation, our positions can be biased.

I read about Yamamoto Qaym Naoki, a Japanese new Muslim, some days ago and watched a video about him. And I amaze with him while at the same time feels ashamed that he much better than me, a girl who’s born as a Muslim. He stated that the verse in Qur’an that affected his heart is “And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein.” He stated that he feels freedom as a Muslim in the meaning that he is not a slave to human being but a slave to Allah only. And when syeikh Fahad Al-Kandari quote Alwaleed bin Al Mugheera after he heard Al-Qur’an,

The beauty of Qur’an is felt by anyone who listens truly.
But the guidance of Qur’an is founded by he who’s pure in heart and mind.

Suddenly, I felt like being struck by thunderbolt and couldn’t say anything. I’m quiet for a moment and keep silent. I asked my self “Am I pure in heart and mind ?” and my other self said “No, not yet.”…

And then I watched Corey Gil-Shuster YT channel unintentionally and keep watching until I realized that I have watched a lot of videos in his channel hehe. I’m curious at the first time, but then it become one of my way to reflect my thoughts by seeing the wider perspective. Ok, I can say that Corey tried to be fair in interviewing Palestinians and Israelis, but I think he’s also already has own preferences which sometimes I feel the tendency within his voice (no offense), and that’s not a problem for me since his videos really help me to know more about their opinions and what they felt. So thank you for him, he makes worthwhile project, thank you.

After I watched it, I realized that I should be fair to put my position. That what I hate is they who’re against the justice, they who’re make innocent people suffering by their way of treating, they who’re make violence cruelly, no, not they as general but they in the meaning of ‘demeanor’. And keep praying for them and hope that Allah will guide us -all of us- for hidayah, to be a better person, to obey Allah fully, together. I hope I can save my heart and mind to be pure and sincere, so I can say that I’m a Muslim and I’m proud to be a good Muslim, a true Muslim.

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